Three desires, three regrets

We’d been in Greece for more than seven months. Husband still hadn’t found a job. He’d come home empty-handed from his trip to Cologne. I never wanted to be a prophet of doom, but I dare say that I had a sense of what was coming. A man like Husband doesn’t change easily. According to his sister Despina, he’d spent his youthful years chasing the county’s prettiest girls. The most handsome Romeo in the village, he of course caught them all. And after his mandatory military service, his seductive power only increased when he returned as an army officer. Shortly after our wedding, this Casanova even told me that the love of his life was a certain Helena, a teacher and mother of two, who had the distinction of being elected the most beautiful woman in her village three years in a row. Had he visited her since our arrival in Greece? Had he spoken to her once, twice, three times? I couldn’t help myself and asked my sister-in-law Despina if Husband had visited his old flame. She replied that yes, he had seen her, “but only twice because her husband Theodoros is still jealous of him like a tiger.” Husband had certainly forgotten to tell me. In any case, he hadn’t told me a thing since he’d returned from Cologne. What had he done there for three weeks? Had he found job opportunities? Highly unlikely. A pizza or souvlaki counter? Maybe a foreman at a manufacturer? Nothing would be good enough for his standards. Would he finally explain to me how we were going to live with two old women and three kids at home? There were no English or French schools in Krya Vrysi, and the two eldest ones barely spoke Greek. Did Husband really want to live in Greece? His clean hands would certainly not be dirtied helping the gypsies harvest cotton. I was at the end of my rope, morally exhausted, discouraged, broken and totally disappointed. Soon I’d have to sell something to buy onesies for the baby who was growing quickly. My wedding ring, perhaps? I no longer wanted to wear it anyways. I tried to calm down instead of dissolving into tears. I took the little one in my arms and sat with him in a rocking chair in the room upstairs. He babbled away and then fell asleep. The cold, rainy weather put me in a blue mood. Was it the right time to speak to Husband about our future? Was he still asleep? It was his mother who spoke first. — “Yavrum (or, my dear child), life in the village is more and more difficult. We don’t have enough money to install running water or electric heat. And even Despina is getting too old to chop wood. We have a garden that’s too big to weed ourselves. Our vegetables generally end up on the neighbour’s table because we have a kind heart. All the grandmothers head to America to help their children with the grandkids. We want to do the same! Despina and I want to live in America. Your two brothers earn good money there and they’ll help us. Yavrum, para calo (or, my dear child, please), let’s go to Montreal as soon as possible and Despina will cook a nice lamb to celebrate our reunion, all of us together.” And I, the good French Canadian wife, quickly added that I’d cook my Greek specialties. “I’ll make stuffed vine leaves, my traditional yuvarlakia soup (meatball and rice soup in an egg and lemon sauce), spinach puff pastries, delicious kourabiedes (almond and butter cookies) and baklavas. My sister-in-law didn’t miss her chance to go one further and said she’d be delighted to babysit my children. Husband stayed silent and smoked one cigarette after the other until his mother and sister stopped speaking. I, like Lot’s wife, transformed into a statue made of salt. Would mommy’s sweet yavrum agree to go back to Canada? My eyes teared up, my heart beat faster and the sky turned a beautiful purple. Is happiness a stroke of luck, a state of being that falls into our lap without warning? I remembered the quote by Goethe I learned in college: “The highest happiness, the purest joys of life, wear out at last.” Life saw fit to make me suffer; but happiness, I tried to convince myself, would surely come later. My eyes suffered, my heart suffered and even my intelligence suffered. I thought of everything I’d had to give up since our wedding: my scholarly studies, the writing I loved so much, my family, my liberty and my own agency. As the wife of this Greek god, under his yoke, I had no rights, no authority, no love, no real intimacy and no right to decide anything. What could I hold onto? This marriage was like a halter that kept getting tighter and tighter, preventing me from moving forward. TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

I didn’t know what to do! I still hadn’t heard from Husband, who was supposed to have gone to Cologne to find work. Our friend Thanassis, who was travelling with him, had come home a few days ago, but still no trace of Husband. Desperate, I decided to go back to the small village library to speak with someone who knew nothing about my life. Knock, knock. The old woman opened the door and recognized me immediately. — “What can I do for you, young girl? You were inquiring about Cologne the other day. Did you hear the big news?” Terrified, shivers went down my spine. My eyes teared up. Had something happened to Husband? Was there a sordid story I didn’t know about? I finally uttered, “Did something happen to a newcomer?” — “HENRICH BÖLL is no stranger. Born in Cologne in 1917, he’s considered to be one of the greatest post-war German authors.” He still lives in Cologne, the city you asked about a few weeks ago.” — “What about him? Why is this important?” — “Young girl, he just won the Nobel Prize for literature! Speaking of which, I have two or three of his books, translated into English, that I could lend you. — “Thank you, but I only read in French for now.” — “But you speak Greek very well!” — “I’m French Canadian, from Montreal. I speak Greek because I married a Greek man who’s originally from Krya Vrysi.” — “Are you here on vacation?” — “The truth? My husband came back to his village supposedly to settle, but he hasn’t found a job that suits him in the almost seven months we’ve been here.” — “Has he tried everything?” — “Shortly after we arrived, he wanted to export flokatis, but he quickly changed his mind. He’s lazy to be frank. He prefers to live it up and doesn’t like to work.” — “Oh, dear. Lazy men are all the same! Old ladies like me know them like the back of our hands. Certainly, many hard-working Greeks earn a good living in America, but all the laziest ones come back to cry on their mother’s shoulder, pretending to be homesick. Isn’t that what’s happened to you? How many kids do you have? The information about Cologne, was that for your husband?” I then poured my heart out to this old wise woman. Forget Cologne, Berlin, Hamburg and Munich. I’d never learn to speak German. I’d never visit the Frauenkirche (Church of Our Lady), taste an authentic “apfelstrudel” (apple strudel). I swore I’d never let Husband touch me ever again! Back at my mother-in-law’s house, the first thing I saw were Husband’s shoes. They were filthy and covered in dry mud, but I certainly wasn’t going to touch them even though I was expected to clean them. When I walked into the kitchen, my mother-in-law whispered that Husband was sleeping upstairs. He’d finally come home from his journey. After 20 days without a word, I had no desire now to hear how it had gone. To hell with him! My kids were at the neighbour’s with their aunt Despina. I fought the urge to go to the rooftop and throw myself off it. Instead, filled with love for the children, I ran to them in search of their affection. They were lying on the old flokati when I got there. They were screaming and playing. The baby was sleepy but wasn’t crying. I noticed a platter of galaktoboureko (a syrupy pastry filled with custard) and a large pot of tea on the kitchen table. Having barely eaten anything in two days, I devoured the sweet cake she offered me. Back at home, Husband was still sleeping like a log. I was curious but had zero intention of waking him. I ran to Thanassis’ home and found him there, thank goodness. He hadn’t much to tell me since he had gotten into an argument with Husband on the third night they were in Cologne. I could easily imagine why. Thanassis had quickly realized that Husband slept until noon every day. When he’d finally wake up, he’d shower, get dressed, drink four or five coffees and only go out at 3 p.m. in search of a souvlaki bar. “His day starts around 3 or 4 in the afternoon!” exclaimed Thanassis. The tale he told came as no surprise. I had hoped naively that, once back in his homeland, Husband would finally act like a man. — “I was worried he’d do the same thing as in Montreal! I’m at a complete loss. We’ve been in Greece for nearly seven months and the oldest one is already behind on his school year.” TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

Thirteen days without news about Husband, who was likely still in Cologne searching for a job. My mother-in-law was starting to worry about her son and Thanassis, the family friend who’d joined him. Would the two travellers run out of food? Despina, my sister-in-law, said she was certain they’d surprise us with good news upon their return. She’d discussed it with her mother: They’d agreed to move to Germany and live with us. Despina would babysit my little ones and I could get a job to help out. In early October, the gypsies who picked cotton were starting to arrive in our village of Krya Vrysi. They put up their tents a short distance from the houses and dug a hole in which the women and older kids kept a fire to cook and stay warm when night fell. What an experience I had! When they were all set up, I visited and brought them a dozen of the baker’s day-old pastries. The women and children had a feast! Even the smallest ones pulled on my skirt to get a taste too. After more than six months, the five suitcases Husband had shipped by boat, in which I’d put all our belongings, had finally arrived. Since Husband was out of the country, Despina and I arranged for the suitcases to be delivered to the house. I didn’t open them, however. Weren’t we going to leave any day, as soon as our two prospectors came back from Cologne with good news? The three of us women were worried and prayed in silence, but outwardly were waiting as if summer were around the corner. I’ve never forgotten this verse from Matthew: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This worry, this cruel wait, destroyed any hope I had. Maybe Husband had met another woman? In 1972, we didn’t have mobile phones capable of saving a life (like my own). Suddenly, imagining the worst, I was overcome with dread, which I didn’t dare share with my sister or mother-in-law. One night, I tried sleeping snuggled with my kids, my breast warming the littlest one. A thousand horrible ideas flooded my head and I fought to keep them at bay. I wanted to escape and discover the promised land the Great Manitou was keeping for me somewhere. The next day, tired, battered and discouraged, I got up and warmed a big pot of water on the stove to wash my babies. I dressed and fussed over them and did their hair before asking my sister-in-law to watch over them for an hour. I went to the village baker to question him. He was dressed in his usual large white apron. I asked him if he had any word from his son Thanassis, who was travelling with good-for-nothing Husband. Did he know when the two travellers would be back? The baker remained mum, and only spilled the beans after I cried my eyes out. Thanassis had arrived home three days ago and was forbidden to let us know that he had returned. I felt my knees going weak. — “Please, sir, may I talk to your son?” — “He’s in Veria (neighbouring village) buying a new type of yeast for croissants.” While I wept, I told him that my kids and I really loved his croissants. I was very grateful to him that he had told the truth about Husband although he was sworn to secrecy, and for all the day-old breads and unsold buns he so generously offered me. Every family moves at its own pace, but mine was moving in reverse and was at risk of collapsing. As soon as I returned home, I went upstairs without saying a word and I went to the little one, who was sleeping like an angel, to hug him. Crouched down on the kitchen floor, my sister-in-law was washing hers and her mother’s bedsheets in a large bucket. Water was starting to quiver in the large pot on the stove. Once that was done, Despina would hang the sheets outside and wash the children’s clothes. Just like a real family, we helped each other. My spirits were low; I was totally dejected. I wanted to talk to my mother-in-law, but I stopped myself. Where on earth was Husband? I would have to wait for Thanassis to get back to the village to talk to him. I dressed the two oldest ones nicely and we went to a coffee shop on the main street to share a small baklava. The delicious treat raised our spirits a little. I loved my mother-in-law and her daughter, but I was fed up waiting for a man who wasn’t a husband or a father. I’d only ever seen him once with a child in his arms. There was only one conclusion: He didn’t love us. This man never cuddled me, protected me, encouraged me, congratulated me or loved me. I never saw him show affection to the little ones or spend time playing with them. It was the cold hard truth. I was simple and naive when I met him. He lost no time deflowering me and I was oblivious then about how babies were created… Nine months later a baby boy arrived. He wrongfully accused me, for the rest of our married life, of lying to him about being a virgin when we’d met because there was no telltale red stain that night he stole my innocence. He had wanted me to get an abortion, but I refused. So his two brothers forced him to marry me and I said yes. A yes I quickly regretted. Even 50 years later, it’s still like a drop of poison every time I think about him. My biggest regret is having met him. While I was languishing away in a poor, almost deserted village in Greece, what was Husband doing in Germany? Was he even there? Why had his travel companion returned home without him? Not only was I regretting some of my life choices, but I cursed everything he forced on me. TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

My friend Thanassis insisted so much that Husband finally accepted to take a short trip to Germany to look for a good job. Many Greeks travelled there to get acclimated and explore the opportunities; they’d settle in the country’s largest cities, where every street corner bustled with commerce. Newcomers were almost certain to earn good money either as factory workers, clothing store owners or fast-food operators. “What’s the best city to visit?” I asked. Thanassis replied that almost all German cities were thriving and attractive in their own way. One of his cousins had opened a souvlaki bar in Cologne in July 1965 and, 7 years later, owned a total of 8 and was now rich. I went to the small village library to try to learn more about the city of Cologne. I liked the name and I’d almost certainly like its smell. Knock, knock. An ancient-looking woman who must’ve been 100 opened the door. — “Ti thelis, koritsi mou?” (or, what do you want, young girl?) I explained the reason for my visit. The librarian took a piece of paper out of a wooden file cabinet as old as herself. — “Everything is decrepit in this old place, young miss, but our fact sheets are updated every five years for foreign countries. In 1970, the city of Cologne had 1,073,096 inhabitants.” — “Could you tell me, ma’am, how many kilometers do we have to drive to get from Thessaloniki to Cologne?” — “Ask the mayor. He goes twice a year to visit his daughter and 3 grandsons. I would have loved to accompany the two men on the trip, but it was out of the question. Three babies depended entirely on me at home! Thanassis informed me that the distance between Thessaloniki and Cologne was 2,157 kilometers – about a 20-hour drive – plus hundreds more kilometres more to visit the city properly. Moreover, the German language is unusual. It doesn’t come from the tip of the tongue, but rather from the throat. Its tonalities are hoarse, guttural, rough and rocky, like pebbles tumbling down a mountain. “Does Thanassis speak German?” Husband asked. Under my mother-in-law’s watchful eye, my sister-in-in-law Despina and I prepared a basket filled with food for our explorers. Spinach puff pastries, wine leaves stuffed with meat, roasted eggplant slices, pickled beets, feta, the basturma (thinly sliced air-cured beef) Husband loved so much, a dozen chicken oregano skewers and, of course, a large kilo of tzatziki I’d made myself with freshly grated cucumber. In that very moment, I experienced the strange happiness of realizing that my heart never gets discouraged, it’s only capable of hoping. I made the most of Husband’s absence to convince his mother little by little to come live in Canada with Despina. Life in the village was becoming very difficult without a man at home. The arms of neighbours and cousins were no longer enough to help maintain the old 2-story cement house. Each night, when I rocked my babies to sleep, I prayed fervently we’d leave this almost deserted village. If it weren’t for my kids, lightning could strike me and I wouldn’t care! But they were my flesh, my heart, my thoughts and my tearful eyes which, slowly, were becoming clear. With Husband gone, the three little ones and I slept in the middle of the bed and dreamt that we were in paradise. The following morning when Despina went to the post office, she learned that five large suitcases had arrived in town for Husband. After more than six months, our possessions from Montreal had finally arrived in Greece! I was immediately tempted to send them back home, but I hesitated. Would we wait for the baker’s old truck to collect our suitcases in which I’d hidden a few books in my undergarments, where Husband never looked? I was worried, I was crying and I was dying to write a few lines of poetry to unload my burden. Like open wounds that bleed and dry without healing, my needs were never satisfied. Seven interminable days had gone by since Husband and Thanassis had left for Cologne and I still hadn’t heard from them. Had Husband found an interesting, well-paying job? Perhaps at a souvlaki bar run by a Greek? Or a position as foreman in a fur coat factory? In Montreal, in those days, most of the Greek wives worked in fur coat factories. They’d skillfully sew the lining. They weren’t paid by the hour or the week, but by the number of coats they could line a day. The luckiest ones could count on the grandmother who lived with them to take care of the kids while they sewed away. And so these brave immigrant women would bring 2 or 3 coats home to sow after dinner, supporting their husbands until the restaurant took off. What could I have done to support this husband of mine who danced until the wee hours of the morning and slept until noon? Not to mention his penchant for seduction! Once, at my cousin’s wedding, I saw him in action on the dancefloor with the girls who practically had to fan themselves to keep from fainting from just watching him wiggle around. His absence was like an open door. Remembering that moment on the dancefloor, I was tempted to dress my babies and run! TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

On our way back from the hospital, neither Thanassis, my husband or I said a single word. The unease was so overwhelming, you could feel it in the air. I had woken in a puddle of blood on the stretcher and was asked to swallow two pills; I was in a state of shock. I’d given birth to a lovely baby just a little more than 40 days ago and now blood flowed between my thighs once again. The old doctor had damaged, butchered and aborted me. When Husband got me pregnant with my first child, my two brothers-in-law had convinced him to marry me because I was the first one of his conquests who refused to go through with the abortion he wanted. It was a shotgun wedding. I’d agreed to it then, but this time, I wasn’t even given a chance to voice my wishes. I was thirsty. On the backseat of the old car the village baker owned, my body was contorted in pain. In front of me, Husband smoked like a chimney and entertained himself by trying to keep the smoke in his lungs for as long as possible. In his empire of silence, he completely ignored me. I looked at my friend Thanassis in the rear-view mirror and my mood lifted. — “Please, Thanassis, open a window. My mouth is completely dry. I need to drink water.” Husband continued to ignore me and swallow cigarette smoke until we stopped at the only gas station between the city and the village, located almost at the halfway point. — “Let’s get out and stretch our legs,” Husband said. — “Good idea,” replied Thanassis. I opened the backseat door and did my best to get out. As I took a step, I noticed that I’d stained my dress and the backseat and that blood was trickling down my legs. — “Thanassis, please ask someone for a wet cloth so I can freshen up. And if there’s a woman around, I’d like to talk to her.” An elderly woman seated in a corner dropped her knitting and approached me. She understood the situation immediately when she saw my frightened eyes, my pale face and my legs glued together. The old woman wiped the blood from my thighs and handed me clean strips of fabric and suggested I go lie down while she cleaned the backseat of the car. Once inside, she led me to the back. That’s when I discovered that the gas station housed a small secret room from which the elderly lady provided nursing services as well as the occasional abortion for local women. She helped me onto her makeshift bed covered in old bedsheets. When we finally made it back, I immediately told Despina, my sister-in-law, that after the usual postpartum examination, I’d been put to sleep without my consent and that they’d removed the embryo of another child. “Men have no idea what women go through. I was happily married and I gave birth to a still-born son,” she told me.  After a few tears were shed, I told her about the old woman at the garage. According to Despina, it was a well-kept secret that everyone knew, but never talked about. Halfway between Thessaloniki and the few villages near Krya Vrysi, young girls who ended up pregnant illicitly visited the old woman at the garage. She’d remove the unwanted package and sew up the hymen so the young girl would be eligible for marriage again. This reminds me of a story from the time I lived in Montreal. I’d been married for just over two years and my belly was almost ready to deliver my second baby, a daughter. One of Husband’s good friends had invited us to his upcoming wedding. Mercifully one of my sisters-in-law lent me a maternity dress that fit me. Born in Canada to a couple of Greek immigrants, the 17-year-old bride worked with her father who’d become a restaurant owner on Park Avenue. She spoke English and French perfectly. In those days, believe it not, it was customary for the future husband to sleep with the bride-to-be a day or two before the wedding so that he could be certain of her virginity. Unfortunately, in this case, the promised girl wasn’t. When the groom’s mother found out, she promptly cancelled the wedding. The future husband who loved his bride dearly, ended up with empty arms and a broken heart. But let’s get back to the day after my follow-up visit at the hospital. Husband was up and he was holding the littlest one in his arms. He was tickling him to try and make me laugh, I guess. It was my third baby, but he was holding one of his children in his arms for the very first time. Did he want to be forgiven, exonerated, pardoned? Did he want me to believe that he’d done us a service the day before? Everything about his behaviour exasperated me. He was an uneducated, lazy, ignorant man who was full of himself, irresponsible, illogical and unpredictable. The latter terrified me the most. Did he still think that life in Greece was a lot easier than in America? It had been over six months, and he hadn’t yet found an opportunity to make a good living. Had he even actually looked for work? That month, the garden was exploding with vegetables. I’d harvested and stored them on the second floor of the house. We’d gotten so many onions that I had to teach Despina, my sister-in-law, how to make preserves. One day, I dispatched a big white chicken for dinner. The kids had fun playing with the bird’s feathers. The oldest loved chicken thighs with shoestring fries prepared in a cast iron pan. The kids would ask for ketchup! What to do? I puréed a few ripe tomatoes and made homemade ketchup. At the end of September, I started to worry. Seeing that Husband still wasn’t working, the baker gave me day-old bread and a few unsold buns for my kids. Were Husband’s pockets truly that empty? I had no idea how much he had. At the village coffee shop, the men were all talking about the terrible lack of good-paying jobs. — “Where could we go?” — “Maybe Germany?” whispered Thanassis. “Most Greek men are already there working in factories, on farms or in restaurants.” — “Germany, Canada or the US… it’s all the same!” barked Husband when I tried to test the waters. — “How about Hamburg, Munich or Cologne? Your two brothers live like kings in Canada with their restaurants. Their families want for nothing. Please let’s return to Canada. Let’s ask for the baby’s passport and go. Let’s not delay!” TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

In 1972’s Greece, when a woman gave birth, she was required to stay at home for 40 days. On the 41st sunrise, she would present her child to the “pope”, the parish priest. This marked the end of her quarantine. I’d given birth to my third child in late June, and I was staying at home to care for my kids while Husband was ostensibly trying to find work to support his family. Krya Vrysi was so small that everyone knew each other. I guess Husband had forgotten that detail. That’s how his secret spread like wildfire on the main street. He wanted to see the world, live in a big city where he could become a business owner. What would he sell? God only knew and the devil would’ve bet money on it. One day when my friend Thanassis was enjoying a few cups of coffee on the main street, he quickly learned of my husband’s plan: he’d gotten it into his head to start selling flokatis, or traditional, handmade shaggy rugs that weighed at least 1,800 grams a square metre. The pure virgin sheep wool of these magnificent rugs was exquisitely soft, fluffy and warm. At one point, they were even a sought-after luxury item. However, flokatis were no longer popular in America, let alone Greece, likely because homes were making the switch to electric heat. When Husband finally decided to tell me about his new project, I replied that even his own mother and sister didn’t keep flokatis anymore because they were too heavy to shake out, too difficult to carry and too expensive to replace. According to Thanassis, only the poor and the gypsies appreciated them because they’d get the rugs for free from the well-off who no longer wanted them. I didn’t know it at the time, but that project would end up in a dead end, like many of his muddled aspirations. July 19 finally came around and it was my daughter’s birthday. She shared her Greek grandmother’s first name: Getsemani. Despina, my sister-in-law, had secretly made a cake using barely ripe cherries and topped it with 3 small pink candles. The village hairdresser had offered to cut the little one’s hair by an inch so it would grow stronger and faster. Even Thanassis had bought a sweet yellow dress for the girl. Husband was obviously going to miss the celebration because he was in Thessaloniki. He’d been going there more often now, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. Was he still looking for a way to earn money? Or was he indulging in female company? He always had some secret project on the side, an excuse to leave the village regularly. In the meantime, I tended to the large garden and filled six or seven huge buckets at the well for our daily needs. Most of the village’s homes didn’t have running water and it enraged my mother-in-law. Couldn’t her precious son fix the plumbing instead of wasting his time dreaming up plans? Thankfully, his hard-working sister adored taking care of my children. Every morning, she’d wash, dress and feed them, and bring me my baby to breastfeed. In August, I proudly presented my baby to the village “pope.” I had to go back to the hospital in Thessaloniki for the routine postpartum exam at the end of my quarantine. Thanassis accepted to drive Husband and me there. I was in great shape; I hadn’t gained a single pound although I devoured lots of bread each day and Greek delicacies dipped in olive oil. When we arrived, an old doctor greeted Husband, ordered me to remove my underwear and to lie down on a narrow table. The glove-clad man examined my breasts, belly and birth canal, which had almost completely healed. Then both men started talking in a foreign dialect I didn’t understand. I only caught a few words and glimpses, but it was all I needed to understand that something wasn’t right. The doctor left for a few minutes and came back with a syringe in hand. “A small injection to calm you,” he told me as he smiled. I didn’t even have the time to ask Husband what was happening, I’d fallen asleep. When I woke up, the old doctor was gone. The stretcher on which I was resting was stained with blood. When I saw the thick sanitary pad placed between my legs, I quickly realized why I’d been anaesthetized against my will. I was afraid and crying. Husband, who’d run off to the pharmacy to get the two tablets prescribed by the doctor, which I was to swallow without chewing, returned and helped me get dressed. He took my arm to help me down the stairs and we left the hospital without exchanging a single word. TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

The old driver of the bus that was taking us to Thessaloniki had just hit a dump truck full of oranges. The kids were wailing, Husband was screaming, the driver kept yelling that it wasn’t his fault. Three-thirds of the passengers were elderly people. A lot of luggage had fallen into the aisle and the mad driver was not allowing anyone to get up from their seats. I needed water for the kids, diapers to change them and a few cookies to buy some peace. We had to be patient. When three policemen finally arrived, they had us come out of the bus to board another. The ground in front of us was covered in crushed oranges reduced to a pulp. Husband went and retrieved our two suitcases while I settled in with our two babies. “What will happen to the driver?” enquired a few elderly people who made the trip frequently. My mother’s heart could only care about what would happen to our family. When we arrived in Thessaloniki, another distant cousin was waiting for us at the bus terminal. His name was Thanassis, and he was the only son of the baker in Krya Vrysi, the village where we would live. Thoughtful and friendly, this young man would become my ally, my friend and my only confidant in the village. Although I spoke Greek well, we spoke French between us since he’d learned the language in college. This meant we could chit chat freely in front of the village’s curious onlookers. When we reached the village, Thanassis drove us to the house of Husband’s mother. As I walked in through the kitchen door, the first thing I saw was dozens of sticky fly traps hanging from the ceiling. A constant buzzing filled my ears it seemed. Mother-in-law, all dressed in black, stood up, grabbed my head and pulled it towards her, kissing my forehead. Her daughter Despina, who’d been widowed a long time ago, snatched the two babies, cajoled and covered them in kisses. Then she took me to a well and filled a barrel with fresh water that would last us for the day. Husband, on the other hand, carried our two suitcases inside the house and asked Thanassis to drive him to the village’s main street, where all the action was. I later learned that this illustrious village was home to less than a thousand souls, most of them grandmothers and elderly people. The “palikari” (young men) had quickly realized that they had no future there and had migrated to Germany or Canada if they could. And lazy Husband was doing the opposite! He no longer fantasized about becoming as rich as Aristotle Onassis, but was trying to find a way to at least provide for his wife and two, soon to be three, children. His two brothers arrived in Canada before him and both owned two restaurants each. Husband, the most elegant of them, the most refined and most intelligent (or so he told himself), was a notorious slacker. A regular at “bouzouki” (Greek music) clubs, he fancied himself to be a modern Zorba the Greek. That’s precisely how he grabbed me by the waist and led me to the dancefloor in 1967. And the dance lasted 13 long, horrible years. It’s only when I finally escaped our home in 1980 that I managed to put this entire period behind me. Heaven knows why today I’m remembering those days when, as a young mother, we had moved our entire life to Greece. I already had two little ones, with a third one, who crossed the ocean in my belly, soon joining us. My heart surged with unconditional love for my young children. We were living halfway around the world and I didn’t care. I didn’t even truly care about Husband. I overlooked his life, his choices and his repeated mistakes. I was a mother, and that was the only important thing in my life. When June 20, 1972, finally came, I awoke Despina, my sister-in-law, to tell her the contractions had started. She woke up Husband and went to get Thanassis, who arrived driving his father’s old car. Despina put a pile of old bedsheets on the backseat in case the child arrived suddenly. I wasn’t worried; she knew exactly what to do. Later she’d tell me that she had only recently single-handedly delivered the child of girl who was too young to be a mother. When at last we arrived in the only hospital in Thessaloniki, I was brought to the maternity ward. I thought I would faint from the sound of all the women’s sharp screams. At each bedside, a sister, aunt, mother or friend held the hand of the woman in labour. Fortunately, a young doctor who spoke French came up to me. He offered me the small cot in his room so I could rest there until he helped most of the screaming women give birth. I immediately agreed. When the maternity ward eventually quieted down, I was brought to the delivery room and the baby came out like a clawless kitten. Such joy! When we left the hospital, my sister-in-law wrapped the child and laid him on her thighs. The baby purred all the way home. TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

Dear readers, I’ve finally decided to pour my heart out. Over the next 10 weeks, starting September 8, I’ll be sharing with you the almost year-long period in my life I lived in Greece. You’ll relive with me the events that occurred in the poor and almost deserted village where we stayed. --------- In winter 1972, without even consulting me, Husband had decided to go back to Greece. We’d been married 5 years by then, had two kids, with a third one growing in my belly. I’d have to leave my country, my language, my parents. My eldest would have to say his goodbyes to his kindergarten class. In those days, a man was king of his household, and a wife had no other choice but to obey...in my marriage, at least. To take some of the sting out of this Greek tragedy, a few of my sisters-in-law secretly confided in me that they’d been back to Greece one or twice themselves before finally settling down in Canada for good. Would I be subject to the same fate? I feared the worst. A few of Husband’s friends helped carry five huge suitcases to the boat that would move our lives to another continent. Two more suitcases, filled with the essentials we needed to survive until our belongings made it safely to Greece, were coming with us by plane. My young boy and his sister laid at our feet and slept the entire way. With his head resting on the window, Husband smoked like a chimney. (Back then, of course, you could smoke onboard a plane.) He’d ring the stewardess every minute for yet another coffee. Did he know that I was sad or upset? Did he notice my eyes filled with tears or my hands cradling the new baby in my belly? I’d barely slept, but by the time the bright daylight stirred the passengers awake, it seemed like the giant metallic bird was already touching down on the tarmac. The kids woke up and were hungry. Sleepy Husband stretched out his long legs and got up. He called for a stewardess and insisted on a final coffee and snacks for the kids. When we got off the plane, I thought I’d die from the heat. Still today, I wonder if the old Ellinikon Airport was air-conditioned back then. Everywhere in the large building, hot air assailed the passengers. Sweat was dripping down our foreheads, the kids were crying, Husband was impatient, smoking one cigarette after another and looking for his distant cousin who was supposed to meet us in the arrival area. — “What time is it?” I asked Husband. — “I’m thirsty!” screamed the oldest. — “Pee-pee!” implored the youngest. My anxiety-riddled heart was racing. Would we be able to withstand such heat? Where would we live? In Athens, in Thessaloniki maybe, or elsewhere? Had Husband secured an apartment? A job? The kids were wailing, they were hot, they were hungry and they wanted to go home. When the cousin finally arrived, he grabbed the last two suitcases that were still going around in circles on the conveyor belt. Husband grabbed the oldest child and biggest travel bag. I was carrying a large bag myself filled with the kids’ clothes and our essential items: passports, the little ones’ Greek Orthodox baptismal certificates, the eldest’s Quebec vaccination booklet and my baby girl, half asleep in my dripping-wet neck. It was almost noon when the cousin dropped us off at his mother’s. The sound of the kids’ complaining became a dull clamour the moment I lifted my head to look out the window. On the right, high up on the mythical mountain, I caught sight of the famous Parthenon, literally the “temple of the virgin” and the physical symbol of Athenian supremacy in the Classical era. Astonishing! The old treasures I’d studied in my youth were right before my very eyes. Everything suddenly came back to me, probably because I’d been forced to memorize when the various monuments had been built, including the Acropolis of Athens, erected between 443 B.C. and 438 B.C. Husband couldn’t care less about archeology. He introduced me to his aunt who’d offered to take us in for as long as was needed. She also suggested we visit the Parthenon together on a few afternoons. Finally, something good was happening to me! My young heart was quivering. We slept in cramped quarters on a double bed with the two kids in the middle and the third one in my big belly. Whenever the kids moved around too much, Husband would move to the only couch in the house. His cousin had borrowed a convenient double stroller. Each day, I’d take a walk with the kids to get us used to the hot climate. Shortening my dresses or wearing pants was out of the question, since Husband would never allow it. The aunt praised the classic Greek dishes I had already mastered, and I continued to develop my skills with her guidance. Entering my seventh month of pregnancy, I felt an urgency to query Husband about our future plans. — “Where will we live?” I asked in French. — “In the village where I was born,” he replied in English. — “Is it near here?” — “Not at all.” — “Where is it?” — “In the north of Greece, about 70 kilometres from Thessaloniki. The village is called Krya Vrysi, that’s where my mother and sister live.” Would the house be big enough for everybody, including the kids? The man of a few words seemed to have a plan in mind. Two days later, the cousin drove us to a bus terminal to go to Thessaloniki. The trip, I was informed, would take 5 hours and 45 minutes. Fortunately, the thoughtful aunt had prepared a basket full of food for us. The little one and her brother were cuddled against my inhabited belly. The maternal instinct put me on alert; I kept my eyes fixed on the old bus driver, who was driving like a madman. Sitting behind me, Husband was still smoking. I began feeling nauseous and turned my head towards him to ask him to open a window when suddenly things took a frightful turn. The bus had just veered sharply to avoid hitting a few sheep, and Husband saw that the bus was headed straight for a dump truck full of oranges. TO BE CONTINUED… Cora ❤️

During the 13 years of marriage to the man who desiccated my life, I was forbidden to write and socialize with family, childhood friends or even the few neighbours that made friendly overtures. Back then, I couldn’t even imagine that I’d somehow survive and eventually strike out on my own to reach such great heights in the business world. But since I’m terrified of heights, I’ve never made it a life goal to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. This makes me think of Suzan, one of our long-time employees. This brave woman, much braver than I, has been a single mother all her life. We are very similar in many ways, both being audacious and roughly the same age. She also shares my passion for the Cora business. Unlike me, however, she’s clearly not afraid of heights. On January 6, 2025, as people get back into the post-holiday swing, Suzan and her partner will be climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. That’s right! It takes my breath away just thinking about it. They'll be climbing to the very top of one of the world's tallest peaks, where “the earth meets the sky” as the locals say. For this great female adventurer, sports have always occupied a big part of her life. “I love the challenge mainly; the competitive part is much less important.” she tells me. Suzan’s dream of climbing Kilimanjaro is one of the biggest challenges she’s ever taken on. During our lunches together, Suzan often talks about all the preparation that goes into getting ready: the long hikes of varying elevations and in all kinds of weather conditions; strength training to build muscle; lots of walking; and a variety of cardiovascular exercises. She explains that “the goal is to improve our endurance and cardio capacity, as oxygen becomes increasingly scarce the higher you go.” The climb itself will take 7 days of hard physical effort. The descent is over in just one day. Wow! Can you believe it? I feel gripped by fear just imagining the height! Twelve months of hard training for a vertical trip that will last less than 10 days! “It’s an adventure of a lifetime for us, and we want to share it with others,” explains Suzan. “I was wondering how we might do this when the idea to organize a fundraiser came to me. We’ll be climbing over 6,000 metres, so we thought we'd raise a dollar for every metre. A total of $6,000. Every penny raised will go directly to Breakfast Club of Canada.” Suzan and I, and all our employees, understand the financial challenges that many parents face every day. Providing their kids with food is typically one of them. For many families, the first meal of the day is vital. For over 15 years, Cora has partnered with Breakfast Club of Canada to help ensure Canadian kids can thrive and grow up with the belief that they can do anything. Plus, since October 2019, when customers choose the Breakfast for the Club dish from the menu, 50 cents goes to the organization. We also run a number of activities that enable us to make a difference. For example, during our $1 Kids’ menu promotion, every dollar raised directly supports the Club. It's our way of helping children in need realize their full potential – one breakfast at a time. In Canada, one in three children are at risk of going to school hungry. Their performance and development suffer in a number of ways as a result; a hungry child lacks energy, creativity and concentration. Their ability to learn and behaviour are also impacted. The Club gives children the chance to start each school day with a nutritious meal. Just like on a quest to summit Kilimanjaro, nothing in life is guaranteed. However, if we put our hearts into it, we can, step by step, most definitely achieve it. I’ll share more news with you about Suzan and her partner’s trip of a lifetime in the coming months. Until then, I invite you to take part in their adventure by following them on their Facebook page! Cora ❤️

For over two long weeks, not one brilliant idea, not one speck of inspiration, not a single trigger word has emerged from my head. I’ve written to you every Sunday since the beginning of the pandemic; I’ll soon have 237 letters piled high. Perhaps it’s normal that the ink in my fountain pen is starting to dry up? Up until now, I’ve always caught my ideas mid-flight. This morning, all I can do is confide to the crows dancing on the roof of my house that my mind is blank. I get the distinct impression that I’m no longer able to write a single word; staring at the empty page is giving me goosebumps. After a quick search, I learn that what I’m experiencing is known as writer’s block. According to the Oxford dictionary, it refers to “the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed.” Ugh, this describes me to a T! Maybe I overworked my brain in early June when I started writing a long story called “HUSBAND’S DREAM, MY NIGHTMARE.” I’ve divided it into 10 letters and I’ll start sharing them with you starting in September. I also have to tell you, dear readers, that I’m doing double duty these days as founder and senior executive of the Cora business. I’m required to weigh in on a thousand and one things, such as new dishes and wonderful surprises we’re preparing for you. Unearthing new ideas keeps my mind extremely busy! I promise you, dear readers, that writer’s block won’t get the best of me! I will rest while I’m on my Alaskan cruise, when I’m certain my creativity will take the helm once again. While searching on Google for a few tips on how to beat writer’s block, I discovered a writing expert called Alphonsine. She explains that the phenomenon is perfectly normal and offers a few strategies to get the words flowing again. According to Alphonsine, the blank page doesn’t only represent a lack of inspiration. It can also come from the writer’s overwhelming desire to create the perfect copy. I think that’s exactly my case. I’m sorry, dear readers, that I’m experiencing this block, the first since I started writing to you each week, and I wanted to explain it to you in the right way. The expert goes on to explain that most authors face this obstacle at some point. So they take a break, go on a short trip or vacation. All these ideas inspire me! A big thank you to Alphonsine for elucidating the problem for me. I’ll sit down again in front of my iPad, type a few erratic lines until I can write a good story. From now on, I will master this writer’s block and won’t be afraid anymore. Instead of writing, I’ll bake a nice apple pie, my favourite lemon poppy cake or a few sublime spinach puffs. And I won’t forget Ernest Hemingway’s trick to stop when you know what you’ll write next. When you sit down again, your mind will quickly pick up where you left off. It’s an excellent idea which makes me impatient for tomorrow to arrive. This wonderful tomorrow that I know nothing about! CORA ❤️

In my last letter, I announced that I had finally booked a cruise to Alaska – another box on my bucket list checked off. This has inspired me to talk more about bucket lists with you and what I’d like to experience before my time is up. Each one of us, dear readers, should slow down, reflect upon, choose, name and list a few activities, wishes or dreams we’d like to realize before the big finale. Think about it for a moment, especially us elderly people who can hear the ticktock of our internal timers getting louder and louder. I’ve loved making lists all my life! I’ve had all sorts of lists: goals to reach, documents to learn by heart, plans to approve, new recipes to master, daily chores to handle, best-selling books to read, Sunday letters to rework and an ever-changing list of unfulfilled desires. You can start a bucket list by randomly writing down thoughts as they pop into your head and then rearrange them in order of importance. The goal of this exercise is to uncover simple and adventurous experiences you’d like to live, and then project them into the universe of possibilities. Deciding the order of the items on my bucket list is turning out to be as complicated as removing a cherry pit without staining your fingers. I have an awful lot of years of experience and, even with all this life experience behind me, I still can’t figure out what would truly make me happy before turning off the lights one last time. A bit more success? Finding love? I certainly need more time to taste the true love I’ve always searched for. Before I turn off my heart, I’d love to drive around my native Gaspésie one more time. I’m too busy at the office to do it this summer, but next year, I promise I’ll do it! I’ve often wished I could rely on the companionship of a pet to finally experience the affection and attachment between animal and master. But being overly busy seeding restaurants all across Canada, I’ve always hesitated. Am I too old now to learn the language of an animal? I can just imagine the puppy or cat keeping warm on my couch, watching documentaries with me and playing with my balls of yarn. I dreamed of going to the opera for the first time because I simply adore the human voice and the interaction between the operatic characters. I finally saw “Madama Butterfly” in the spring of 2023. A masterpiece. Will I go back to the opera soon? Absolutely! I’m waiting for Giacomo Puccini’s TURANDOT. This famous story of a fictitious medieval Chinese princess who’s as cruel as she is beautiful. Quick, I have to see whether it’s coming to Montreal soon! I wish to visit Sweden and, more specifically, the boutiques of fashion designer Gudrun Sjödén. In another life, I would have loved being her neighbour and working in her workshops. Ask Google to show you this talented Swedish artist’s unique clothing designs. I also want to visit Iceland, the mother country of my favourite novelist, Audur Ava Ólafsdóttir, who wrote the highly acclaimed “Rosa Candida” and more incredible books. I dreamed of writing and publishing a new book, and I did just that, in autumn 2023. Its moderate success is enough to motivate me to keep on writing. I hope to live for as long as possible – beyond 100 if the angel of longevity will let me. I love waking up every morning, opening my eyes, hearing my heartbeat, getting up and feeling blessed that my fingers can still type away on a keyboard. Your bucket list is a tally of wishes, dreams or challenges you’d like to realize. It’s a bottomless basket in which you can drop a new dream or remove one that no longer tempts you or has already come true. It’s best to try and strike a balance between small and big projects for your list. The easiest ones will give you the confidence to tackle the harder ones! It’s also a good idea to regularly read your list so your determination to keep checking off your life’s desires doesn’t waver. Isn’t it an excellent occasion to rejoice and celebrate? Sharing your bucket list with friends or family might also entice some of them to start their own list. And isn’t that a wonderful gift to offer them? I firmly believe that declaring our wishes to the universe is the best way to make them come true. Cora ❤️

You may remember that I published my bucket list in June 2020. Well, I’m excited to announce that I’m about to check off another one of my goals! In the fall, I’m setting sail on a large cruise ship called the Coral Princess to visit Alaska, its gigantic glaciers, Seward, Juneau, Skagway, Ketchikan, the gold rush route and the state park with towering totem poles. I’ll spend 14 nights on the water, explore picturesque fishing villages and visit whale-watching spots. Maybe I’ll come nose to nose with one? I’ve toured my native Gaspésie over a dozen times and I’ve never even seen a whale! Our departure point is beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia. The day before we leave, we’ll tour the city and charming Granville Island before enjoying a group dinner. The next morning, the large cruise ship pulls anchor and we’ll be off. I’m ecstatic! What a great adventure to have before my final voyage. I can’t describe the accommodations aboard the floating hotel yet, but I’ve inquired with a few fellow travellers and they give them glowing reviews. I can at least share with you the highlights from the travel agency brochure of this once-in-a-lifetime trip I’ll soon be embarking upon. We’ll first make port at Icy Strait Point to take in an interactive show retracing the lives of the region’s original inhabitants through their dances and legends. I’m so eager to learn more! With time sailing along, we’ll reach a huge glacier nicknamed “the sleeping giant” on the fifth day. According to those who’ve already been on this cruise, it astounds the eyes with its vast whiteness and vibrant blue. I’ll take a thousand and one pictures, that’s for sure. We’ll moor in the small town of Sitka, with its unique blend of Russian, Tlingit and American culture. I can look forward to a postcard-perfect setting composed of snowy white mountains, a volcanic mountain, rare fauna and magnificent birds with large orange beaks. I love rare birds, and I’ll definitely take photos of them. On the sixth day, we’ll carefully come alongside Hubbard Glacier, who’s width measures almost 10 kilometres. Since we’ll be accompanied by an expert guide, we shouldn’t miss a single thing. On the seventh day, we’ll dock in a small fishing village, ideal for whale watching and discovering unspoilt nature, notably in Glacier Bay National Park. I just can’t wait! On the eighth day, we’ll sail smoothly through a vast bay of dazzling glaciers and emerald waters. Enchanting scenery that will no doubt remain engraved in my memory. On the ninth and tenth days of the itinerary, we’ll put our feet on American soil again to visit the vestiges of the gold rush era and its old buildings. Then we’re off to Juneau, or “little San Francisco” as it is known, the capital of the American state. That’s where the Mount Roberts Goldbelt Tram will lift us over 1,800 feet in the air. I’m so terrified of heights, I think I’ll pass on the cable car ride even if it means missing out on the remarkable panorama! Braver souls are also invited to fly over the area in a seaplane. No, thanks! On the eleventh day, we’ll discover the typical town of Ketchikan, the totem pole park, the alleys of historic Creek Street and the former red light district where bootleggers once ruled. I’m going to strike it rich in memorable moments! According to those who’ve already been aboard, the food on the liner is sublime. When I was just a small girl accompanying Grandpa Frédéric in the rowboat, he’d congratulate me for “having sea legs.” My small room on the floating hotel has a balcony with 2 chairs, where I plan on spending time scouring the endless horizon. I’ll likely implore the heavens and seas to bring me a whale. From my observatory in the middle of the ocean, will I see giant birds, emperor penguins, shrieking albatrosses, the back of a breaching whale, a school of Alaskan pollock that I can reach out and catch? Voilà! I hope the sea’s blue undulations will inspire me to write you a few letters from Alaska describing my adventure to you as if you were there with me. Cora ❤️